One year later

It's hard to believe it's been one year. One year since we first laid eyes on our precious third child. One year since we experienced one of the most difficult and yet peaceful days of our lives. One year....and we survived it.

We survived this day too. We weren't quite sure what to do, or how to commemorate the arrival of our son, and yet his death as well. It was a confusing and very difficult day, and one in which I can say - we survived.

I researched all different creative and wonderful ideas on how to commemorate the loss of a child you never knew. Somehow, none of them stuck. I didn't want to turn this precious and sacred day into a pinterest-y event where I had the day planned to a t, and then wound up dissapointed that it didn't go as planned. I thought that would trivialize it. I didn't want to stand in some park and watch some balloons float away into the sky and sob over the thought that my one year old little boy wasn't there to ooo and ahh over them. It just didn't seem fitting.

I would have loved to plant the Caleb tree that my Aunt and Uncle gave to us, but it's March, in Colorado. Maybe in June or July we'll get around to planting it.

So, we did nothing. We just survived it. We shed a few tears, remembered the amazingly difficult day, and survived. Sometimes I think that's all you can do -  go thru the motions and just try to survive.